“Craving incontinence.” Let’s search for a cure.

And now for something weird. I woke up this morning at 8:30 with one thought in my head … an excursion to Gio’s Deli in Dallas for chopped liver, a couple of half-sour dills and a knish. I need chopped liver bad. Except it’s raining again and I don’t especially want to drive around town on wet freeways. I figure if it stops by noon (it’s supposed to) I’ll go to Gio’s later on instead. The map below indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters in Mesquite; and B) Gio’s Deli on Preston Road.

I guess the weather gods felt my pain because it stops raining at 10:30, the sun comes out, and I’m thinking, glorioski, CHOPPED LIVER! I jump in the shower, blow-dry my hair, and by the time I’m done shpritzing myself with Estee Lauter I no longer have any craving for chopped liver whatsoever and my attention turns to washing a load of towels, reheating leftover soup and making hard-boiled eggs.

I actually find it frightening to be suffering from “craving incontinence,” a non-contagious disorder whereby senior citizens are unable retain a simple craving for more than 15 minutes at a time. While the condition can sometimes be attributed to not wanting to bother with shoes and a brassiere, in most cases the aforementioned senior citizen just forgets the craving altogether and moves on. I seriously hope there’s a pill for this and it’s available as a generic.

Thank you for reading this.