A vote for Newt is a vote for “space mirrors.”

I am desperately tired right now. I can’t keep my eyes open and it almost feels as though I haven’t slept for a couple of days, which is not the case at all. It’s 10:45 and Marcy the night owl is actually thinking about going to bed. But first, courtesy of TheWeek.com, here are four of the craziest ideas ever proposed by Newt “Tweedledum” Gingrich, the GOP’s nastiest excuse for a presidential candidate. In addition to promising voters that he’ll colonize the moon by 2020 and establish it as our 51st state, Newt has also suggested that we:

• Shoot lasers at North Korea. Newt has pledged to use “unconventional methods” to stop North Korea from launching a missile, including the Airborne Laser, a top-secret secret jumbo jet that’s fitted with a missile-zapping energy cannon.
• Launch “orbital death rays.” In 2002 Newt told PBS that space lasers shot from an orbiting satellite would be the key to stopping Russian and Chinese missiles. (This is basically the plot of Diamonds Are Forever.)
• Kill marijuana smugglers. Newt sponsored the Drug Importer Death Penalty Act of 1996, whereby anybody convicted of bringing more than two ounces of pot into the United States — two ounces? — would receive a mandatory life sentence. Repeat offenders would be executed. He neglected to suggest where we would incarcerate the entire population of Central America or how we’d fund a prison the size of Pennsylvania.
• Reduce crime with “space mirrors.” In 1984 Newt promoted an idea to install giant mirrors in space to illuminate the night sky like a lot of full moons, making streetlights obsolete and preventing criminals from jumping out of dark alleys to scare the crap out of you.

He’s certifiably insane. Thank you for reading this.