Cowboys, free chili and Miss Einstein takes a drive.

In case you’re wondering what smells so good I made a huge pot of homemade chili this afternoon ... and it’s ready just in time for the Cowboys/Giants game on NBC. I’d be completely shocked if the Cowboys won tonight, but we watch because we’re always hoping for an elusive miracle that — just once — they won’t suck on national television.

And now, for your possible enjoyment, I’m pleased to offer this partial list of the most outrageous lawsuits of 2011.

• Convict sues a couple he kidnapped for not helping him evade the police.
• Man illegally brings a gun into a bar, gets injured in a fight and then sues the bar for not searching him for a weapon.
• Adult children sue their mother for sending cards without gifts and playing favorites.
• Woman disagrees with a store over an 80¢ refund and sues for $5 million.
• Mom sues an exclusive preschool over her child’s diminished college prospects.
• Obese man sues White Castle because the booths are too tight.
• Mother sues Chuck E. Cheese because she thinks their games encourage gambling in children.

Add to this a news story I read yesterday about a 22-year-old woman who’s suing a bar in South Carolina for not “carding” her in 2009, thereby allowing her to buy alcohol, get wasted, crash her car on the way home and wind up a paraplegic. Police said Miss Einstein was not wearing a seat belt and her blood alcohol level was several times the legal limit. Bottom line ... being a complete moron obviously means you always have to find somebody else to blame for your mistakes.

It’s chili time! We’ve got plenty if you want to come over and watch the Cowboys game with us, so send me a quick email if you’re interested. (We have napkins, too.) Thank you for reading this.