Thursday, January 5, 2012

Manischewitz clearance sale, today only.

A quick follow-up to the story in yesterday’s post about my new “virtual terminal” credit card processing system. As it turns out I received the wrong welcome letter loaded with confusing instructions for a ridiculously intense set-up procedure that didn’t apply to me whatsoever. When I couldn’t reach tech support — actually, nobody bothered to answer the damn phone — I emailed my merchant account rep, Evelyn, who sorted it all out for me. Five minutes later my virtual terminal was up and running.

No kidding, this online credit card thing is absolutely brilliant and I only wish I’d known about it a couple of years ago. I already processed my first transaction this morning. I WANT EVERYBODY TO SEND ME MONEY!

The matzo farfel incident. Such excitement! Last week I ordered a 3-pack of gigantic Manischewitz whole grain matzo farfel canisters from, and they sent me half a dozen by mistake. They’re huge. I’ve got SIX POUNDS OF MATZO FARFEL in the pantry ... enough to stuff the entire Israeli army. And this would be incredibly wonderful except for one teeny little problem: I didn’t know until last night that it tastes like corrugated cardboard. (The farfel ... not the Israeli army.)

Therefore, if you or your loved ones are craving the unforgettable taste of cardboard and would like to snag a canister of Manischewitz whole grain matzo farfel cheap, please send me an email and we’ll discuss convenient terms. (I accept Mastercard, Visa and American Express.)
Making changes for a brighter future. This week I’ve been implementing my Happy New Year Austerity Plan. I cancelled my business 800-number service on Tuesday and just called AT&T and told them to disconnect my business landline phone. Total annual savings, about $675. Better yet, AT&T’s customer service rep was so nice she knocked $5 a month off our U-Verse bill for no apparent reason and then threw in a free speed upgrade to our Internet service, which was actually pretty damn fast to begin with. Glorioski, is this amazing or what?

I think I need a snack and a nap because saving money can do that to a person. Thank you for reading this.

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