Toes, part two, and how to plan ahead for Thin Mints.

The baby toe on my left foot? I think it’s BROKEN. That’s the one I smashed into the leather bench in the master bedroom at 3:30 this morning when I didn’t have the brains to turn on a light. The toenail has turned a motley shade of blue/black, the actual toe is swollen — which is tricky to detect because my baby toes have always been lumpy little things, anyway — and the whole side of my foot hurts like hell. The toe on my other foot, the one I crushed on a corner of the sectional last night, finally stopped throbbing a couple of hours ago but it’s still wrapped in a bandage and hurts like hell because a huge chunk of skin has gone missing.

I guess I should apologize if this is a little too much information. I’ve barely had five hours of sleep, walking sucks, I don’t want to wear shoes and I refuse to leave the house. (I’m not particularly interested in wearing a brassiere, either, but this has nothing whatsoever to do with my toes.) Quite frankly, I need CAKE.

In case you’ve been hiding under a rock somewhere, the Howdygram is pleased to announce that Girl Scout cookie season starts next month! As a matter of fact, if you go to the Girl Scout cookies website you can type in your zip code and find out exactly how many minutes and miles away you are from shoveling a box of Thin Mints into your face. Apparently here in Mesquite we’ll be able to find cookie fairies in front of every Wal-Mart, Kroger, Tom Thumb, Minyard’s, Albertson’s and Lowe’s. Lowe’s?

In my case, of course, I don’t do Girl Scout cookies because they’re loaded with sugar and I’m diabetic, so Sam usually gets suckered in at the office. Last year he wound up eating an entire sleeve of Thin Mints and came home at midnight with the jitters and a migraine headache. Never again. This year the Howdygram cookie police are on high alert.

Thank you for reading this.