Ernest Borgnine is no Gene Kelly and other critical observations.

It’s Friday afternoon and I have a headache and a craving for liverwurst. This is mildly frightening, so to help ward off the demons I’ve decided to write a post that covers at least 263 different topics. Thank you for putting up with me.

Weekend plans. Sam promised me a trip to the Choctaw Casino tomorrow to play the penny slots and eat sugar-free pie, activities that seem to evoke an equally gleeful response every time he suggests them to me. We’re expecting glorious January weather — 62° with sunshine — and I might even take a few pictures to share with y’all afterwards. Then again, maybe not. On Sunday we have no plans at all, which is probably a good thing because I’ve got a couple of client projects to finish and lately it’s getting harder and harder to find the motivation. I’ve developed a snotty attitude and I want to retire.

Limited-time special while quantities last. Now that I’m all set up to process credit card sales online with a “virtual terminal” it’s probably a good time to sell the hardwired desktop terminal I’ve been using for the last couple of years.

The Nurit 2085 requires a phone jack and an electrical outlet, accepts standard rolls of 2¼-inch thermal receipt tape, is fun to dust and has little rubbery buttons that beep. You can buy the terminal new on Amazon.com for about $145 but I’ll sacrifice mine for $50 with the original box and six new rolls of receipt tape since I don’t need those any more, either. Please send me an email if any of this sounds interesting to you. By the way, you need a merchant account in order to use a credit card terminal. (I shouldn’t have to mention this, but you never know.)

Coyote serenades the Great Dallas Earthquake of 2012. On Friday morning a teeny little temblor occured in Dallas near University Park. The 2.0 magnitude quake was recorded at Northwest Highway and Inwood Road just after midnight. The U.S. Geological Survey says there were no reports of damage but a woman in Starbucks claims she heard a coyote. (I suggest she might consider cutting back on the caffeine.) For your possible interest the map below indicates: A) The epicenter at Northwest Highway and Inwood; and B) Starbucks. I have no idea whatsoever where the coyote was located.

Frankly, a 2.0 quake is about the same as a fart and not really worth mentioning. It’s amazing what I’ll do to fill up the Howdygram, isn’t it?

Anybody remember Meg Ryan? These before and after pictures pretty much say it all. The Howdygram’s official style maven — yours truly — thinks it might be time for Meg to give up on plastic surgery and that bed-head hairdo. (What looked cute at 25 gets scary at 50.)

And speaking of scary ... Transgender doofus Chaz Bono is in the news again today, announcing that he finally saved up enough money to buy himself a weenie so he can pee like a real guy in public bathrooms. I’m not joking about this.

She He will travel to Belgrade for the surgery because it’s only $45,000 and a lot less expensive than in the U.S. Chaz says he didn’t try to borrow penis money from his mother (Cher) because he wants to be self-sufficient. Also because she’d probably whack him in the head with a frying pan. (Note to Cher: it might help.).

Tinseltown’s finest hour. And finally, as a glaring example of inexplicable Hollywood casting, here’s Ernest Borgnine singing and dancing with Gordon MacRae and Dan Dailey in 1956’s musical flop The Best Things in Life Are Free. Borgnine’s performance, which could be classified as a classic train wreck, comes just one year after he played the sadistic villain in Bad Day at Black Rock and won a best actor Oscar for the title role in Paddy Chayefsky’s beloved drama, Marty. This video clip is actually fun to watch, however, because the big oaf is obviously enjoying himself. (As far as I know Borgnine never sang again on screen, and for that we should all be sincerely grateful.)

One last thought. Those Pillsbury sugar-free brownies turned out GREAT last night! Sam plunged in the minute he got home from work and ate two so fast I think he forgot to chew. Thank you for reading this.