Cute babies, Clorox bleach and thanks for nothing, John McCain.

Here’s what I do at 4 in the morning when nobody’s looking. I order a large bottle of Maja cologne from Overstockperfume.com, a bigger and better roaster from Amazon.com and a couple of gallon jugs of Clorox bleach from Wal-Mart.com. The bleach was an especially nice bargain at $1.98. This time I’m trying that fancy-schmancy “Clean Linen” scent.

Today’s pet peeve. All of a sudden everybody is deifying SOLDIERS, and I don’t get it. Personally, I think we can blame pasty-faced screwball John McCain for this baloney because he got the ball rolling during his 2008 presidential campaign. McCain spent so much time glorifying members of the military — I even saw him cry talking about General Petraeus — that I was ready to barf in camouflage all over the TV. And I remember nutjob Sarah Palin screeching during one of her speeches that “John McCain knows how to win a war!” (Actually, Sarah, he doesn’t. He knows how to be a P.O.W.)

Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad there are people who volunteer to join the military. I just can’t understand why it’s such a big hoo-hah and why we have to elevate soldiers to the status of demi-gods. Restaurants, retail stores, schools, major league sports, special event venues, airlines, car dealers and cruise ships give them discounts, freebies, honors, upgrades and extra courtesies ... but I think policemen, firefighters, Chinese food delivery dudes and the Howdygram editorial staff deserve free crap and upgrades, too, because we all provide such essential services. I’m just saying.

And now I’d like to share some heartwarming family photos. First up is my niece Melissa’s little boy, Tyler, who’s 3½ years old. Is this guy precious, or what? These were taken just before Christmas last year.

And here’s baby Cooper, one day old, posing with his father’s hand in the upper photo and with his mom, Allison (Melissa’s younger sister), in the one below it. These were taken about two weeks ago.

By the way, we didn’t go to Denny’s this morning for Senior Scrambled Eggs but I’m okay with that because I know they won’t run out and there’s always Saturday and Sunday. Thank you for reading this.