Sunday, January 26, 2014

Broken cookies taste exactly the same as non-broken ones.

In this post: Fine cookies, crappy Cossacks.

Hi, people. I briefly considered writing a poem about my new Health Express low-carb cookies from but decided to skip the artistic crap and just write a regular review. To be brief about it, HEALTH EXPRESS COOKIES ARE THE BOMB. They’re huge, crunchy, packed with flavor and have less than one carb each, which is a very large hoo-hah for diabetics. You’ll have to overlook the fact that one or two cookies arrive broken because: 1) they traveled cross-country by truck from Syracuse, New York; and 2) broken cookies taste exactly the same as non-broken ones.
I bought three different flavors — chocolate chip, marble and peanut butter — but so far I’ve only tried the chocolate chip. Stay tuned for additional updates but please feel free to continue your normal routine in the meantime. Thank you.

Hey there, sports fans ... the 2014 Winter Olympics are creeping up on us! Opening day ceremonies are scheduled for February 7 but I regret to report that the news from Russia isn’t very encouraging. Because Sochi is located in the Caucasus region — a notorious hotbed of terrorism, maniacs and violence — Vladimir Putin has decided to ressurect a few thousand Cossacks to handle security for the Olympics, which is a lot like asking the KKK to police a Martin Luther King Day parade.
Infamous from history as the Tsar’s ruthless henchmen, Cossacks acted on behalf of the Russian Empire during the 19th century to carry out “pogroms,” or massacres, of Jewish people. As a matter of fact, Cossacks are the reason why I’m here in Texas writing the Howdygram in a bathrobe! My father’s parents were chased out of Russia in 1910 just like in Fiddler on the Roof. And now a whole new crop of Russian Cossacks will be on hand to terrorize the Olympic Village on horseback waving their spears at Bob Costas. Holy crap.

I’m not especially tired tonight, but since Sam is already in bed it might be a fine idea to join him and give it a shot. Thank you for paying attention.

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