Let’s get Mike Tyson to beat the crap out of George Zimmerman.

In this post: Flour tortilla thingies, dickheads in the news.

A few minutes ago — completely by accident — I discovered a new product from Old El Paso on Wal-Mart’s website: STAND ’N STUFF FLOUR TORTILLA THINGIES. Technically these flexible taco boats aren’t exactly “new” (I just Googled an introductory General Mills press release from last summer) but they’re definitely new to yours truly because I haven’t set foot in a grocery store since 2010 and have no idea what’s on the shelves. I’m determined to order two boxes of Stand ’N Stuff Flour Tortilla Thingies IMMEDIATELY so Sam and I can begin making a dent in the gallon drum of taco-flavored textured vegetable protein we bought last week from Shelf Reliance. This crapola makes the BEST TACOS EVER and tastes exactly like Taco Bell filling except it’s actually good for you.

Here’s an interesting little tidbit from our Pathetic Douchebags in the News department. Apparently Dickhead-in-Chief George Zimmerman has arranged to participate in a March 1 “celebrity” boxing match on pay-per-view TV with the proceeds going to an unnamed charity. (Just a wild guess ... could it be the George Zimmerman Is Still Trying to Pay His Pissed-Off Lawyers Five Million Dollars Foundation?)

Zimmerman told Radar Online, “Boxing isn’t new to me. It’s something I had picked up well before the incident and it’s something that I liked, I enjoyed, and I kept up with it.” In case you’ve been living under a rock for the last couple of years, the “incident” is when Zimmerman got away with murdering Trayvon Martin, an unarmed teenager, in February 2012. And isn’t it outrageously ironic that a “trained boxer” would be so terrified of the aforementioned unarmed teenager that he had to shoot him in the chest at point-blank range?

Although George’s opponent has yet to be named, the Howdygram has a couple of helpful suggestions.

1. A CHIMPANZEE. One that’s trained to rip off Zimmerman’s arm and beat him to death with it.
2. MIKE TYSON. I’m pretty sure Mike would be glad to spare 10 seconds to pound the living crap out of this jerk.

I need a hot shower. My body temperature is 95.3° and I’ve been shivering for the last hour and a half. Diabetes sucks, people. Thank you for reading this.