Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Why I love “nap movies” and other meaningless baloney.

In this post: Kvetch report, diabetes, teeny tacos, Amber Lyn Chocolates.

Hey! Congratulations to me! I’ve pretty much been asleep ALL DAY TODAY with exception of lunch in the family room with Sam and two short trips to the bathroom. I don’t know what the hell’s going on, but it might have something to do with the fact that the only time I’m not in pain right now — due to arthritis, plantar fasciitis and diabetic peripheral neuropathy — is when I’m LYING DOWN. Not a very productive lifestyle, unfortunately, but it seems to be making a difference because I felt better when I woke up from my third nap about half an hour ago. I’m just saying.

For the record, I slept through three of my all-time favorite “nap movies” today: 1) Sunset Blvd. (1950) starring William Holden and Gloria Swanson; 2) Life with Father (1947) starring Irene Dunne and William Powell; and 3) Murder on the Blackboard (1934), a whodunit starring Edna May Oliver and James Gleason.
And in case you’re wondering why the hell I love “nap movies” so much, it’s because there are a couple of very substantial benefits. These are:

THEY’RE RESTFUL BACKGROUND ENTERTAINMENT. Just set the volume low. Plus you’re never tempted to stay awake and watch the damn things because you’ve already seen them 75 times.

YOU INADVERTENTLY MEMORIZE THE DIALOG. Reciting the first 25 minutes of Sunset Blvd. is a fine way to impress your relatives at Hanukkah parties.

Tonight for dinner I’m having a bunch of teeny tacos that Sam brought home from Costco this morning. These are mighty wonderful, people ... tasty little whatnots with chipotle chicken filling that you can nuke in 90 seconds. GOD BLESS INSTANT TEENY TACO GRATIFICATION!
Sam also bought me some Amber Lyn sugar-free, low-glycemic and diabetic-friendly Belgian chocolate bars; a nice box of eight in assorted gourmet flavors. This stuff is DAMN GOOD.
I just discovered that Amber Lyn has a website (check it out here) with lots of other amazing products, including BARK, TRUFFLES, BOXED GIFTS, CHOCOLATE-COVERED ALMONDS and LITTLE INDIVIDUALLY-WRAPPED THINGIES you can carry around in your bathrobe pockets in case of emergency! If you sign-up for their complimentary Cravers Club — that’s the very first thing I did — you’ll get discounts and free shipping offers. I love free shipping.

And now it’s teeny taco time at Howdygram headquarters! Thank you for stopping by. Tell your friends, okay?

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