It’s okay to get bubonic plague in January.

In this post: White lies, nap movies.

You know what’s really fun? When you wake up in the morning and cancel anything and everything that requires going outside BECAUSE IT’S TOO DAMN COLD. This actually happened today with my 10 a.m. podiatrist appointment. It was only 22° so I announced to Sam NO WAY IN HELL AM I LEAVING THE HOUSE FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER — least of all to get my toenails cut — so I called Dr. A’s office when they opened at 8 and told them I had bubonic plague. I wouldn’t be surprised if all his patients called up with bubonic plague this morning. Half an hour later I had two leftover egg rolls for breakfast and took a nap.

For the record, this morning’s featured “nap movie” was, once again, Murder on a Honeymoon (1935) starring Edna May Oliver and James Gleason. I’ve managed to sleep through Murder on a Honeymoon SIX TIMES since Saturday and still don’t know who the murderer is, although this is actually the whole point of selecting appropriate nap movies. YOU HONESTLY DON’T CARE.

It’s almost 3 p.m. and I need to eat something NOW before my late lunch runs into an early dinner because God forbid I should miss a meal. Thank you for reading this.