Monday, January 20, 2014

Waiting for UPS is usually the highlight of my day.

In this post: Kvetch report, an Amazon innovation, the Howdygram’s niche.

In case you’re wondering what the hell I did all weekend, the answer is VERY LITTLE with the exception of sleeping, reclining and limping. My plantar fasciitis has flared up again and the only time I’m not in agony is if I’m lying down. I didn’t spend any time in the study writing Howdygram posts because there’s no bed in here. Thank you in advance for understanding.

Holy crap, everybody, you gotta love the innovators at! I just read a news report that the company gained a patent on Saturday for “anticipatory shipping.” Their new software will READ YOUR BROWSER HISTORY to analyze your searches, purchases, wish list and how long you’ve hovered your mouse over a certain product so they can ship your merchandise BEFORE YOU’VE ORDERED IT. Even if you occasionally end up receiving goodies you didn’t order — and therefore won’t have to pay for — Amazon doesn’t care. In their patent application they state: “Delivering a package to the given customer as a promotional gift may be used to build goodwill.”

I, for one, just LOVE this idea, because anything Amazon can do to make online shopping even more wonderful is perfectly swell with me. I’m a housebound senior citizen with nothing else to do, and waiting for UPS is usually the highlight of my day. Therefore, I think I’ll immediately begin hovering intensely over a stunning new Panasonic VIERA 60-inch plasma TV and a Frigidaire 30-inch convection gas range with six burners — six! — and an oven light, a power broiler and an “effortless temperature probe.” Hey Amazon … I’m ready!
It occurred to me recently that the Howdygram has a truly unique niche because most blogs on this planet focus on one specific (i.e., boring) topic. For instance, if you ever randomly browse around on Blogger you’ll find blogs about food, recipes, restaurant reviews, low-carb dieting, specific diseases, health issues, travel, classic films, celebrity gossip, religion, political commentary, humor, satire, sports, current events, family crap, relationship advice, retirement, finance, product reviews and shopping. THE HOWDYGRAM COVERS IT ALL ... and we even throw in excellent photos, original graphics, Olympics coverage, our popular Putz of the Week feature, Einstein Awards, miscellaneous horseshit and exciting contests for you and your friends ... AT NO EXTRA CHARGE.

Thank you for paying attention. It’s almost 1:30 a.m. and I think I should go to bed now.

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