Two Florida Einsteins in one day.

In this post: Another Einstein, a blast from the past.

Never in a million years did I ever think I’d have two Einstein Awards just a few hours apart, but here we are! Meet William “Einstein” Golladay, a 77-year-old crab-ass Wal-Mart shopper from Florida (holy crap ... Florida again?) who had a screaming fit when the customer in front of him — John Malherbe, age 67, who was handicapped and using an electric shopping cart — tried to check out with 22 items in a 20-item express lane.

Golladay, pictured at left, began hollering that Malherbe had too many items and had no right to use that register, eventually deciding to slam his metal shopping cart into Malherbe’s right elbow in anger. Golladay exited the store but returned quickly “with both fists raised” (according to witnesses) to continue ranting at Malherbe until police were called. It should come as no surprise that Golladay was arrested, although rumor has it he plans to use Florida’s new “shove your cart” defense, which is similar to stand your ground except on wheels.

I’m pleased to report that it’s 7:20 p.m. and Sam is on his way home from work. Glorioski! We get to spend a real weeknight together JUST LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE. I haven’t decided yet what to do about dinner, although Sam would be happy with leftovers and I’ve always got Vienna sausages or canned tamales, both of which make me exceptionally happy in a pinch.

Did you ever Google somebody from your extremely-distant past who pops into your head for no apparent reason whatsoever? I just did that with a person I used to know during my one stinking semester at the University of Wisconsin back in 1969 ... and I even managed to spell his name right after all these years. His name is Harlan, he’s 65 and apparently builds scenery and sets for a professional theater in Wisconsin. I have to admit the dude looks scary, but what the hell. That’s Harlan.

Thank you for paying attention. You may now continue your normal routine.