Friday, January 17, 2014

Eating in bed makes me think of an intensive care unit.

In this post: TV nostalgia, nonsense from AARP.

Glorioski, television fans! A couple of days ago Sam discovered a cable channel we’d never noticed before: it’s the MeTV Network and they’re loaded with classic reruns from the 1950s and 1960s, including all of the gems listed below.

•  “F Troop”
•  “The Dick Van Dyke Show”
•  “Hogan’s Heroes”
•  “Make Room for Daddy”
•  “Get Smart”
•  “Petticoat Junction”
•  “The Honeymooners”
•  “Family Affair” Uncle Bill! Mr. French!
•  “The Donna Reed Show”
•  “Batman”
•  “My Three Sons”
•  “The Bob Newhart Show”
•  “The Beverly Hillbillies”
•  “Car 54, Where Are You?” Toody and Muldoon!
•  “The Phil Silvers Show”

There’s also a bunch of assorted classic westerns, mysteries, science fiction and detective series that probably haven’t crossed your mind since fourth grade. HOT TIP: Set your DVR to record everything so you can fast-forward through the commercials for Jenny Craig, reverse mortgages and Sleep Number beds.

Incidentally, here’s a little bonus from the Howdygram’s Archive of Meaningless Horseshit (i.e., my brain) ... the original theme song lyrics to “Car 54, Where Are You?” that were burned into my memory more than half a century ago. Feel free to sing along, okay?

There’s a holdup in the Bronx,
Brooklyn’s broken out in fights,
There’s a traffic jam in Harlem
That’s backed up to Jackson Heights,
There’s a scout troop short a child,
Khrushchev’s due at Idlewild,
Car 54, where are you?

And finally, today I received another annoying email from the clueless pests at AARP offering a list titled “The Top Four Things to Do in Your Bedroom in the Morning That Can Save Your Life.” I will share them with you now — with my personal thoughts in italics — for your possible interest and amusement.

EAT BREAKFAST IN BED. I’d feel like I’m in intensive care. And who the hell is supposed to clean up afterwards?
STRETCH WHEN YOU GET UP. I consider myself lucky if I can STAND. Stretching is not a conceivable option.
LOOK AT YOURSELF NAKED IN A FULL-LENGTH MIRROR. Holy crap. As if I’m not already depressed enough.
HAVE SEX. Sex? First thing in the morning? AARP’s marketing Einstein clearly is NOT a 62-year-old senior citizen with bladder issues.

Thank you for reading this.

No comments: