Discover the convenience of amazingly tasty freeze-dried crapola from Shelf Reliance.

In this post: Convenience foods, a Putz of the Week.

Monday is escaping at breakneck speed around here! So far today I’ve accomplished all of the following: 1) made the bed; 2) ate mozzarella sticks with Sam; 3) enjoyed a three-hour nap; 4) ordered some amazingly tasty freeze-dried crapola (pictured below) from Shelf Reliance; and 5) I can’t think of anything else. As soon as I have some free time I’d also like to order a few frozen crustless (zero carb!) pizzas from my best friends at Lou Malnati’s in Chicago.

Incidentally, I want to encourage you to discover the convenience of the aforementioned amazingly tasty freeze-dried crapola from Shelf Reliance. The Sausage Crumbles, for instance, are real pieces of genuine, fully-cooked breakfast sausage that rehydrate in warm water in 10 minutes. You don’t have to horse around with a greasy frying pan or hang out at the stove, you only prepare as much as you need (such as a quarter-cup to moosh into an omelet), and an opened can has a shelf life of one year at room temperature. As for the Taco Textured Vegetable Protein, this stuff TASTES EXACTLY LIKE TACO BELL except it’s low-fat, healthier than ground beef, heats up in two minutes and it’s good enough to fool Sam. Just buy yourself some low-carb tortillas and a sack of shredded cheese! Both of these Thrive products are wonderful for mobility-impaired and occasionally-lazy senior citizens like yours truly. Thank you.

And now ... another Putz of the Week! Today the Howdygram would like to recognize Arizona State Senator Steve Yarbrough, a GOP religious fascist who recently introduced Senate Bill 1062 to allow businesses to discriminate against gays, unmarried women and non-Christians.

Technically, the bill would expand the list of organizations protected by Arizona’s religious-freedom law — currently limited to religious assemblies and institutions — to include “any individual, association, partnership, corporation, church, religious assembly or institution, estate, trust, foundation or other legal entity.” In other words, DAMN NEAR EVERYBODY.

The right-wing Center for Arizona Policy has been pushing this measure as a way to allow bigoted and sexually-frustrated photographers and bakeries to refuse to provide services for same-sex weddings (which are not even legal in Arizona) without being sued. In an interview, Yarbrough told The Seirra Vista Herald that his bill also would allow hotel owners to refuse to rent rooms to gays and would protect businesses that had a religious objection to hiring unmarried women. “But in no way does this bill allow discrimination of any kind,” he said.

Know what? It takes a special kind of mental defect to be a conservative these days, people. Yarbrough seriously believes that by discriminating, there is no discrimination. Somebody please fax him a copy of the Civil Rights Bill of 1964 and send me a couple of aspirin, okay?

I think I need to drown my frustration with a grilled cheese sandwich and a couple of sweet pickles. Thank you for reading this.