I wish to hell UPS and FedEx delivered packages on President’s Day. I’ve got a pile of thrilling shipments waiting in the wings AND I WANT THEM NOW. These include: 1) two gigantic containers of cheap but excellent parmesan cheese; 2) ReliOn raspberry glucose thingies to help me bounce back from hypoglycemia; 3) six 16-oz. jars of Mezzetta Chicago-style sandwich giardiniera; 4) Kraft cheesy spreads in two gourmet flavors; and 5) a million Zeiss lens wipes because fingerprints. In case you give a crap, items 1 through 4 hail from Wal-Mart; the lens wipes are from Amazon.
But that’s not all, people. Amazon just sent an email announcing that my entire February subscription order will arrive TOMORROW — a week early! — because everything was shipped from their new distribution center in Fort Worth. OVERNIGHT DELIVERY FROM AMAZON. Holy mackerel, right? For Hanukkah this year I think Sam should build a loading dock at the foot of our driveway. This is so much fun I might have a brain hemorrhage.
Sam bought me a stunning heat & eat shepherd’s pie at Costco this morning that’s about to become dinner. Like right now. Thank you for reading this.
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