Tuesday, February 18, 2014

If it looks like a shepherd’s pie, please avoid this crap no matter what.

In this post: Crap to avoid.

Hi, people. For your possible interest I’m introducing a new Howdygram feature — PLEASE AVOID THIS CRAP NO MATTER WHAT — that’s basically my own warped version of a public service announcement, and I’ll begin with a review of the beautiful and enormous store-made shepherd’s pie Sam bought yesterday at Costco. Long story short, it was supposed to be dinner but turned out to be PUKE. For $13.95 you get a four-pound foil pan of ground beef, peas and carrots in a gluey, thoroughly flavorless, charcoal gray gravy topped with equally thoroughly flavorless mashed potatoes and a wad of what appears to be toasted shreds of cheddar cheese, but that’s just a wild guess because it might be paint chips.

Although I’ve been known to eat practically anything (i.e., Vienna sausages, braunschweiger, fake meat in a can, Slim Jims) after waiting SIXTY AGONIZING MINUTES for this stupid pan of poo to heat up in the oven I dropped my fork after the first bite because it tasted like mucilage. Plus, I’d love to meet the Einstein who decided to make shepherd’s pie with BEEF. (Write this down, everybody. Shepherds tend SHEEP, not COWS.)
Bottom line ... Sam plans to return the shepherd’s pie to Costco for a refund this morning and I’ll spend the money instead on a high-quality product like Hormel canned tamales. We usually love Costco’s entrees, but if it looks like a shepherd’s pie PLEASE AVOID THIS CRAP NO MATTER WHAT. Thank you.

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