In this post: 2014 Olympics.
MEN’S FIGURE SKATING. Highly nervous U.S. figure skater Jeremy “Clydesdale” Abbott sucked to the max during the Men’s Short Program, discovering that ice in Russia is slippery as he fell and flailed his way through a damn embarrassing routine. Jeremy followed Russian charm school graduate Evgeni Plushenko, truly a douchebag on ice, who blows kisses to the judges to improve his score and remarkably did not trip over his nose.
PAIRS FIGURE SKATING. Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t get excited watching a bunch of mismatched couples throw themselves all over the ice. I think the big problem last night was height, with 6'5" men towering over half-naked Munchkins (check out U.S. skaters Castelli and Shnapir, below). The first-place pair were a couple of snotty Russians, Tatiana Volosozhar and Maxim Trankov. Trankov and was dressed like Captain Molotov from the Tsar’s Winter Palace and frequently tried to launch his partner into the second balcony.