There’s good news and there’s bad news.

In this post: Ups and downs.

As usual, this has been a day of ups and downs here at Howdygram headquarters. We’ll start with the “ups” first, m’kay?

UP #1. My appointment this morning with the kidney specialist turned out surprisingly terrific. After analyzing the recent lab results faxed over by my internist, Dr. H figured out that my declining kidney function (high creatinine number) is most likely the result of LOW BLOOD PRESSURE for the last couple of years. As luck would have it, I stopped taking one of my blood pressure meds about 10 days ago at the request of Dr. M since I was always dizzy and/or tipping over, so we’ll do lab work again in three months to see if the creatinine number declines. This is actually a huge-ass relief because the problem is imminently fixable and Dr. H promised that neither of my kidneys is going to explode.

UP #2. FedEx delivered my six jars of Mezzetta Chicago-style giardiniera last night. At midnight. (No kidding.)

And now, of course, let’s do the “downs.”

DOWN #1. Howdygram headquarters is having a serious issue with the U.S. mail (see yesterday’s post) that’s driving us batshit crazy. We had a vacation hold on our mail for a few days while Sam was in California last week that was supposed to end February 18, except it didn’t. We haven’t received our held mail and we’re still not receiving any mail delivery AT ALL. Sam called our local mental case post office this morning at 8:30 to find out what the hell is wrong with everybody and a supervisor named Steve swore on a stack of comic books that we’d get all of our mail delivered TODAY. Naturally, Steve lied. As a preemptive measure before Sam finds out, at 4:15 I called and spoke to the afternoon supervisor who said he’d beat the crap out of our delivery driver, find out who has our mail and call me right back. I’M STILL WAITING. Bottom line, Sam will rupture an artery when he reads this paragraph and I’m trying to find a way to break the news to him. Please let me know if you have any suggestions in addition to sex. (Thank you.)

DOWN #2. I can’t think of anything else.

Have a nice day, and I mean this most sincerely.