Let’s start the day with a little hard news, okay? According to a recent poll — the only scientific way to figure out what the hell is happening in America — most of us have NOT actually seen any of the films nominated for Best Picture at this year’s Oscars but that won’t stop people from having an opinion about which one should win. This is a free country, damn it. Why should we be expected to form opinions based on FACTS?
Reuters asked 1,433 genuine American patriots if they had actually seen any of the nominees. Turns out, nope, they mostly had NOT. Among those who responded to the online survey, the Somali piracy thriller Captain Phillips was the most-seen film at a stinking 15% and Gravity was second at 14%. A whopping 67% said they had yet to see ANY of the 11 films in the poll. Shocking, isn’t it?
Personally, I haven’t set foot in a movie theater since Chicken Run in 2000 (that animated film about chickens in a British prison camp starring Mel Gibson) because theaters are too damn cold, the movies are too damn loud, you have to wear a brassiere and I HATE SPENDING THE MONEY. God bless 60-inch high-definition TVs and my great big sectional sofa! It’s the only way to enjoy a film, plus you can pause and pee any time you want and then take a few minutes to heat up a some of your favorite teeny tacos from Costco.
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