Ted Cruz thinks President Obama is “forcing gay marriage on all 50 states.”

In this post: Sam, avoiding King China, Putz of the Week.

Welcome to day two of Sam’s trip to California, where apparently he’s charming the Depends off all those adorable little “eightysomethings” at my mother-in-law’s assisted living facility in Sherman Oaks. Sam has been eating with them once or twice a day in the community dining room and interacting with others as he accompanies mom on her walker junkets up and down the hall.

Frankly, none of this surprises me. Sam is probably the sweetest sweetheart on the planet and EVERYBODY KNOWS IT. I just hope he can tear himself away long enough to fly home to Texas on Sunday because I miss him like crazy. Thank you.

Here’s a really important TASTY FOOD ANNOUNCEMENT. I momentarily considered ordering from King China for dinner tonight instead of China City because they have a bigger menu and I’m craving a little variety — such as Szechuan Eggplant with Garlic Sauce and House of Two Mushroom — except at the last minute I remembered why I stopped buying food from King China three years ago: THE OWNERS ARE CHEESY MORONS. So I ordered from China City again, this time trying one of their Japanese entrees because why the hell not. It’s the Twice Shrimp Box (don’t ask) with two kinds of shrimp, two egg rolls, eight pieces of spicy California roll and “hause salad.” (I think that’s supposed to be house salad. God forbid if they meant horse salad.) The following map indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) China City; and C) King China, the restaurant owned by cheesy morons.

Stay tuned for a review, okay? My food should be here in about 30 minutes. And in the meantime, check out our latest Putz of the Week! Once again the Howdygram is recognizing the inexcusable right-wing nuisance, Senator Ted Turd Cruz of Texas, who has introduced a bill in Congress to stop President Obama and the federal government from “forcing gay marriage on all 50 states.”

Citing states’ rights, Cruz wants Congress to amend U.S. law “with regard to the definition of  marriage and spouse to guarantee respect for state regulation of marriage.” Cruz said, “The Obama Administration should not be trying to force gay marriage on all 50 states. We should respect the states, and the definition of marriage should be left to democratically elected legislatures, not dictated from Washington. This bill will safeguard the ability of states to preserve traditional marriage for its residents.”

Sorry, Ted, but a state can’t ban a persons right to equal consideration under the U.S. constitution. Especially since the Supreme Court already ruled in favor of legal marriage for LGBTs.

And sorry again, Ted ... the argument about states’ rights was settled by the Civil War! When laws conflict, the “full, faith and credit” rule applies. If you’re married legally in one state, your marriage is recognized by all. Otherwise, “e pluribus unum” — i.e., out of many, one — means absolutely NOTHING.

Holy crap. This jerk gives me such a headache. And he’s got a law degree from Harvard?

I’ve got the DINNER UPDATE you’ve been waiting for. The Twice Shrimp Box from China City wasn’t too bad. It included teeny (but tasty) portions of shrimp tempura and shrimp teriyaki, a teeny scoop of rice, two fetal egg rolls, a few microscopic pieces of California roll and a lump of wasabi. The “hause salad” was a disappointing wedge of iceberg lettuce with thousand island dressing. All for $12.95.

I’m still hungry. I might need a few Vienna sausages before I hit the sack tonight.