In this post: Non-news, 2014 Olympics, Monday errands.
Breaking news … CHEMICAL EXPLOSION IN MESQUITE! According to our local ABC News affiliate, two janitors — who were most likely stoned — reported a “popping noise” to police Saturday morning at the Fritz Industries research facility on Executive Drive. However, since nobody was injured, there was no property damage and no actual chemicals were involved, the headline should have read: POLICE SEARCH FOR BROKEN TEST TUBE AT MESQUITE RESEARCH FACILITY WHILE REPORTER ATTEMPTS TO TERRIFY AREA RESIDENTS FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER. The following map indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) Fritz Industries on Executive Drive, which did NOT actually blow up; C) the new Chinese buffet at Galloway and Tripp that Sam refuses to take me to because ptomaine; and D) Buckner Back & Neck, the chiropractic clinic with the best name EVER.
It’s almost 10 a.m. and Sam is still asleep, and I only mention this because it’s rare for Sam to stay in bed this late. I think I’m a little worried about him. He didn’t feel well last night. I was hoping he’d go to Wal-Mart for me and then stop at CVS for a couple of prescriptions, but I won’t ask him to do that because he’s adorable, I love him and it’s awfully cold outside today. Under the circumstances, if you have a little free time to pick up a few things for me at the store this morning I need sour cream, American cheese, two jars of Mezzetta Deli-Sliced Mild Pepper Rings and braunschweiger.