Friday, March 7, 2014

A tale of price-fixing, braunschweiger and the destruction of life as we know it.

In this post: Business hijinks.

Holy crap. Know what time FedEx finally delivered my shipment of Vienna sport peppers and giardiniera last night? ALMOST MIDNIGHT. Usually I’m willing to eat damn near anything, any time of the day or night, but retired senior citizens have to draw the line somewhere. Bottom line, I didn’t eat any peppers at bedtime. (I’ll open a jar for breakfast instead.)
Here’s some breaking business news from our That’s Another Fine Mess You’ve Gotten Us Into department. Following a fancy-schmancy $9.4 billion merger hoo-hah, Cerberus Capital Management (who?) has purchased Safeway and smooshed it into Albertson’s, which means every supermarket chain in the United States (except for Kroger and Trader Joe’s) will now be owned by one gigantic corporate behemoth nobody ever heard of. For your possible interest, Safeway has 1,335 stores in 20 states and also owns Tom Thumb (here in Dallas), Vons, Pavilion’s and Carrs. Albertson’s, with more than 1,000 stores, owns Acme, Jewel-Osco, Lucky, Star Market, Super Saver and Shaw’s. Combined, the merged companies will have more than 2,400 stores, 27 distribution facilities and 20 manufacturing plants. What does this mean for consumers? It can’t be good, that’s for sure, because we’re looking at a FRIGHTENING GROCERY STORE MONOPOLY that will try to fix the price of Cool Whip and braunschweiger and destroy life as we know it for centuries to come. I don’t know about you, but I’m really scared.

Thank you.

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