Today’s hot topic: caulk and grout.

In this post: The Great Dallas Jampocalypse, a grout emergency.

Hi, guys. Before I address today’s hot topic — caulk and grout — I thought y’all might be interested in a couple of photos from a massive traffic jam yesterday in north Dallas ... an event The Dallas Morning News has dubbed the “jampocalypse.” What you see here are the eastbound lanes of I-635, also known as the LBJ Freeway, backed up from a five-car wreck at Skillman Avenue. Cars, trucks, vans and pickups driven by authentic Texas yahoos are seen here headed in two directions on the same side of the freeway, doing wheelies on the grassy knoll (Texans are fond of grassy knolls), attempting three-point turns in traffic lanes and backing up on the shoulders. Being a housebound senior citizen definitely has its advantages.

The Grout Doctor’s official diagnosis yesterday afternoon? It’s not looking good. Clayton — our personal grout physician — says we’re SICK. We’ve got water leaking behind the marble bench in the shower in our master bathroom that’s causing mildew, unstable tiles and an adjacent baseboard to turn strange and unpleasant colors. In other words, WE’RE HAVING A GROUT EMERGENCY at Howdygram headquarters and the estimated cost to fix everything up good as new is $570, which includes removing and replacing all the existing grout and caulk in the shower plus a fancy sealant. There’s a possibility it may cost slightly more if any of the tiles pop out and have to be scraped and recemented, but we won’t know what’s what with this until the crew gets started.

Sam was surprisingly calm when I hit him with the news tonight, but we were sort of expecting it and agreed that we should call Clayton in the morning and set up an immediate appointment for grout surgery. Please click here for our home address if you want to send get-well cards, cash gifts or a floral arrangement. Thank you in advance very much.

And now for some inexpensive family entertainment. Thought you might enjoy this cute Christopher Walken dance mashup that I found on YouTube this afternoon. To tell you the truth, I always forget that he started out as a professional dancer!

It’s 12:45 p.m. and I think I should go to bed because Sam has been asleep since 11 and he looks very comfortable and adorable. Thank you.