I’ve been hacked.

In this post: Generosity, suspension, canned goods.

I’ve got some breaking news for those of you following the tale of my wayward shipment from Netrition. Today they RESHIPPED MY ENTIRE ORDER from back on March 11, not just the contents of the one damaged carton that UPS returned to them. Holy crap, everybody … we’ll be PACKED TO THE RAFTERS here with duplicate pumpernickel, hot dog buns, cookies, pasta sauce, chili, sugar-free fake Kool-Aid drink mixes and chocolate bars! That’s about $150 worth of free food! I’m sure the customer service Einsteins at Netrition think they’re being generous, helpful and accommodating, but WHERE THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO PUT THIS STUFF? Our pantry is already jammed with — among other things — Hormel tamales, Spam, Vienna sausages, Loma Linda fake meat and teeny cans of ham floating in mystery juice that arrive regularly in caseloads from Wal-Mart and Amazon. Please don’t tell Sam about this yet so I can make a plan. HEY! WANT TO COME FOR DINNER?

Here’s a great segue. Speaking of “spam” ... I’VE BEEN HACKED! A bogus organization tried to send a huge volume of horseshit emails through my email address today, so the monitors at Web.com SUSPENDED MY ACCOUNT. I knew something was out of whack when I woke up from my afternoon nap and all three email addresses were offline with error messages that said “Unknown Password,” “Contact Your Administrator” and “Inaccessible Account.” Eventually I had to talk to tech support, change all the passwords and call Web.com’s Fraud Department to have them lift the suspension. My life is finally back in whack. Holy crap, right?

It’s 6:30 p.m. and tonight’s evening meal will be canned goods. What a surprise.