This is a corporate love story. Pour a Marcytini and get comfortable.

In this post: Big fat changes, Amazon.com.

Notice anything different? There’s a big fat change in the Howdygram today! About half an hour ago I uploaded A FABULOUS NEW GRAPHIC for my signature at the bottom of every blog post. Exciting, right? (I’ll wait while you try to calm down.) An enlarged version appears below for your possible interest. This actually looks a lot like my own pre-neuropathy handwriting except I don’t have a red pen.

I’ve got breaking news this afternoon from our Leave My Friends Alone department. It seems that a litigious whiner is trying to launch a dead-end class-action lawsuit charging that Amazon inflates its prices to cover the shipping costs for Prime members, who pay $79 a year to receive two-day shipping that’s supposed to be free. Know what? Slightly higher prices might be true to some extent, but it seems that Prime members — such as yours truly — all across the United States are so damn happy with Amazon they don’t give a crap. It’s Amazon’s two-day delivery guarantee that we all love. And their customer service is FREAKIN’ FABULOUS. (This is a corporate love story. Pour a Marcytini and get comfortable.)

So here’s the scoop. Amazon Prime offers its members free two-day shipping on every purchase, but there’s just NO WAY Amazon is adding the actual cost of this service to the selling prices of their products, which would be at least $15 more for every shipment since many are sent second-day-air. I shop around all over the Internet before I buy anything, and Amazon’s prices are usually the lowest. For instance, if Wal-Mart’s price is the same but only includes ground shipping (5 to 7 days), I’ll ALWAYS buy from Amazon because they deliver faster at no extra cost. And Amazon Prime also gives you an ordering advantage. If they don’t have enough in stock to fill all their orders, Prime members get theirs first. Plus, if they need to ship your order from a warehouse halfway across the country you’ll still get it in two days!

And if that’s not enough to make your head explode, let me sing the praises of Amazon’s BRILLIANT CUSTOMER SERVICE for a minute. A couple of years ago I ordered a really nice upholstered decorative bench for our entry foyer that arrived with a fabric flaw. Amazon immediately refunded the entire purchase price (about $269) and told me I could either keep the bench or donate it; THEY DIDN’T WANT ME TO BOTHER SHIPPING IT BACK TO THEM. Seriously, people ... nobody else does that. Nobody.

Ironically, I just received an email announcement from Amazon that Prime membership will increase to $99 this year. I don’t care. I order from Amazon 10 to 12 times a month, Prime membership always pays for itself right out of the gate, and I love the peace of mind that comes from knowing I’ll have my Vienna sausages and canned Hormel tamales in 48 hours.

Thank you for putting up with me. I need to eat dinner now. I’m considering some teeny chicken tacos from Costco. I love teeny chicken tacos from Costco.