Yes, friends, there are haircuts in hell.

In this post: Style guide.

So here’s the thing, fashionistas. Next time you’re having a bad hair day you should think of life in North Korea, the garden spot of Asia, where monster-in-chief Kim Jong-un has established MANDATORY HAIRSTYLES for men and women. Women may choose from any of the 18 fashion-forward cold war haircuts pictured below.

Men, on the other hand, have one option and one option ONLY, thanks to a new rule introduced in Pyongyang two weeks ago: the mandatory “Dear Leader” haircut.

In case you’re wondering, long hair has been discouraged by North Korea since 2005 when a campaign warned men that too much hair “consumes vital nutrients” and stunts brain development. (I’m not joking about this.) Men are required to schedule haircuts every 15 days. Under the circumstances, I would imagine that barber is the least creative job in North Korea.

In other news closer to home, there isn’t much to report except for the following: 1) I have a headache; 2) FedEx delivered my new Wal-Mart toaster oven; 3) we’re not having any weather; and 4) I can’t think of anything else.

Regarding item 3, the severe thunderstorms that were forecast for today by the lying sacks of poo at Weather.com have vanished, and now we’re apparently not expecting any RAIN, either ... just another ordinary dry day of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING here in Droughtland, Texas.

Maybe I’ll cheer up if I eat things.