Real bread is better than sex or a William Powell film festival.

In this post: St. Patrick, late installation, real bread.

It’s time once again for the western world to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, that beloved Irish holiday commemorating the patron saint of beer. Although Sam and I are not Irish and seriously don’t give a crap about St. Patrick’s Day in any way whatsoever, we’ll do our part to not be old crabasses about it and eat something green today with lunch. I’m thinking olives.

It’s well past 9 a.m. and we’re still waiting around for our water heater installers to show up. You know, the crackerjack crew of plumbing doofuses that should have been here A WHOLE STINKING HOUR AGO. Sam just left a message on their voice mail system to find out what’s going on, and if we don’t hear back from them in 15 minutes he’ll also call Lowe’s because they’re the Einsteins who made the arrangements. I might need a baloney sandwich in the meantime to help me calm down. Obviously I don’t do very well in pressure situations.

I’ve got some exciting news, people. One of my favorite low-carb food companies — LC Foods — is expanding part of their product line to include REAL BAKED BREAD instead of just do-it-yourself mixes. They sent an email this morning to their entire database offering everybody a chance to pre-order, so I decided to give it a shot and reserved two. Apparently these are huge-ass 2½-pound loaves with only one net carb per slice, and for low-carbers like yours truly real bread is better than sex or a William Powell film festival.

I’ve got an 11 a.m. update. The installers finally showed up at 9:30 and they’re still toiling away with our water heater in the garage. I have no idea what time they’ll be finished with this hoo-hah, but Sam is in and out every five minutes checking on their progress and still needs to eat lunch before he goes to work at 1:15. This is too much for a Monday morning. I THINK I’M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK.

Please go away for while. Thank you.