Saturday, March 29, 2014

Maybe we’ll go for a ride today. I’ll even wear a brassiere and shoes.

In this post: Quakes, bags, dumplings.

I just read on that Los Angeles had a 5.1-magnitude earthquake last night followed by a bunch of smaller aftershocks. The quake’s epicenter was in Fullerton (in Orange County) but shaking was felt all over the region, including the Hollywood Hills, Rodeo Drive, beautiful downtown Burbank and the usual list of snooty stores and restaurants. Also palm trees. Sam and I have a lot of family in L.A. and we both hope you’re all okay and nobody’s bathroom mirror fell off. EARTHQUAKES ARE SCARY.

Breaking local news! To combat a nonexistent litter epidemic throughout the metroplex, after a year of deliberation the Dallas City Council has decided to institute a very stupid 5¢ fee — rather than a complete ban, which would have made more sense — for single-use plastic grocery bags beginning January 1, 2015. And to oversee this new function somebody on the Council gets to hire five relatives who need a job. Of course.

It’s not just consumers who are having a collective cow about this, though, because on Thursday Kroger representative Gary Huddleston frantically explained to WFAA-TV that the consequences of this ordinance will be REALLY DIRE. Aside from the crushing inconvenience of retraining cashiers to charge everybody a nickel, “We’ve got a serious concern with this new ordinance that customers will go into our [recycling] barrels to take out plastic bags and re-use them,” he said. So the seriously concerned Dickensian geniuses at Kroger have decided to hide their recycling barrels from the poors who hope to save 25¢. Holy crap, right?

This is the first Saturday in months that we’re finally expecting beautiful weather — 74° with lots and lots of sunshine — and Sam is so deliriously excited that I might have to administer barbiturates to calm him down. Maybe we’ll GO FOR A RIDE today and EAT LUNCH IN A REAL RESTAURANT! I’LL EVEN WEAR A BRASSIERE AND SHOES! At the moment we’re considering Cafe Greek or dim sum at Hong Kong Royal so stay tuned for further developments. In the meantime, the map below indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) Cafe Greek on Preston Road in Dallas; and C) Hong Kong Royal north of the President George Bush Turnpike in Carrollton, which is a considerable shlep but well worth the effort because SHRIMP DUMPLINGS AND HOT SAUCE.
Thank you for reading this.

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