Howdygram headquarters has been bustling with SENIOR CITIZEN EXCITEMENT today, as evidenced by the neatly-typed list that appears below.
I WOKE UP AT 2:45 A.M. In case you give a crap, I had aching shins — glorioski! something new! — plus chest pains from being hunched over in a weird position and burning hot hands with stabby electric shocks due to diabetic peripheral neuropathy. The best remedy was to drink a South Pacific Marcytini — this is a regular Marcytini with some sugar-free Hawaiian Punch powder mixed in — and diddle around at my desk until I felt like a regular person again. I went back to bed at 4:15. (Sam didn’t know I was gone.)
I RIPPED A TOENAIL. It got caught on Mr. Furry (my faux mink blanket) during a pre-lunch nap in the family room ... a clear signal that I’m long overdue for a trip to the podiatrist. I immediately made an appointment for April 1 so Mr. Furry cannot claim any additional toenails.
WAL-MART CALLED ME. This wasn’t exactly a social call, though. They just wanted to announce that my 90-day Benazepril Hydrochlorothiazide prescription is ready. Oh boy, right?
I TRIED OUT MY NEW TOASTER OVEN. I made melty American cheese on low-carb white bread and let it burn a little because I like burned cheese. Do you like burned cheese?
WE HAD THUNDERSTORMS THIS AFTERNOON. Finally! And they were nice big ones, too, with plenty of commotion and little downpours, although the storms didn’t last very long and didn’t deliver enough water to make a dent in our ongoing drought. (I know I sound ungrateful. Sue me.) The teeny blue star on the following map indicates Howdygram headquarters in Mesquite.
I RIPPED A TOENAIL. It got caught on Mr. Furry (my faux mink blanket) during a pre-lunch nap in the family room ... a clear signal that I’m long overdue for a trip to the podiatrist. I immediately made an appointment for April 1 so Mr. Furry cannot claim any additional toenails.
WAL-MART CALLED ME. This wasn’t exactly a social call, though. They just wanted to announce that my 90-day Benazepril Hydrochlorothiazide prescription is ready. Oh boy, right?
I TRIED OUT MY NEW TOASTER OVEN. I made melty American cheese on low-carb white bread and let it burn a little because I like burned cheese. Do you like burned cheese?
WE HAD THUNDERSTORMS THIS AFTERNOON. Finally! And they were nice big ones, too, with plenty of commotion and little downpours, although the storms didn’t last very long and didn’t deliver enough water to make a dent in our ongoing drought. (I know I sound ungrateful. Sue me.) The teeny blue star on the following map indicates Howdygram headquarters in Mesquite.
In other breaking news, apparently severe rain and flooding have wiped out Mexico’s spring lime crop, rocketing the wholesale price of limes to $100 a box ... more than three times the price one year ago. As a result all the local Tex-Mex restaurants here are having hysterical breakdowns about availability, shortages and the desperate future of Margaritas and guacamole. Under the circumstances I think this is a perfect opportunity for Texas diners to switch to Chinese. I’m just saying.
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