Somebody please get these Chinese families some therapy.

In this post: Reality, Easter bunnies.

My special request for Monday, March 31: WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE GET THESE CHINESE FAMILIES SOME THERAPY. They’ve been flying back and forth from China to Malaysia for THREE WEEKS (don’t any of them have jobs?) with signs, banners and matching “drama club” tee shirts to scream obscenities at exhausted Malaysian officials for the March 8 disappearance of MH flight 370. To sum up their nonexistent grip on reality, here’s a quote from Wen Wancheng, 63, whose only son was one of the passengers: “They’re all still alive, my son and everyone on board! The plane is still there, too! They’re hiding it!” Holy mother of crap.

Banners have included all of the following, printed in Chinese and/or English depending on whoever’s hosting today’s press briefing:

“WE WANT OUR FAMILIES BACK!”
“HAND US THE MURDERER!”
“WE WANT EVIDENCE!”
“YOU MUST RETURN RELATIVES OF MH370, NO STRINGS ATTACHED!”
“THEY HAVE TRAMPLED ON INNOCENT LIVES! TELL US THE TRUTH!”
“SON, OUR HEARTS ARE TORN TO PIECES! COME HOME SOON!”

I don’t want to sound unfeeling or callous — okay, what the hell — but these lunatics really need to grasp how freakin’ enormous the Southern Indian Ocean is. Twenty-five countries involved in the search haven’t spotted anything out there except mountains of floating crap and oil from shipping accidents. So enough. Stop sobbing, face reality and leave the Malaysian government alone. THEY ARE NOT HIDING YOUR RELATIVES. NOBODY IS COMING HOME. THE PLANE IS GONE. Now please go back to work.

In other news, Russell Stover is having a sale on chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Easter eggs through April 6.

Thank you for reading this.