At the moment it’s 2 a.m. and I’m not feeling too well. I’ll list my complaints for you here and maybe you can take a friendly stab at the diagnosis:
- A raging fever of 99° (“normal” for me is 96°).
- Both heels hurt from plantar fasciitis.
- My legs are completely numb from the ankles down but they’re burning hot and I’ve got spazzy “electric shock” pains in both feet.
- My hands are crumpled up like claws.
- Muscle weakness in my legs and lower back.
- My knees hurt like hell.
- I can’t think of anything else.
To cheer myself up while I wait for all items listed above to subside long enough for me to go back to bed, I’m here in the study enjoying a great big South Pacific Marcytini — my standard recipe with half a teaspoon of sugar-free Hawaiian Punch powder mixed in — and loading my Wal-Mart online shopping cart with some fine crap for a Tuesday morning order. This is what I’ve got so far: 1) two kinds of body wash; 2) six little jars of tasty Kraft Old English spreadable cheese goo; 3) a tub of Cascade Platinum dishwasher pods; and 4) Wal-Mart’s store brand arthritis-strength Tylenol knockoff.
Netrition that eventually will include Bella Vita pasta sauce, a bag of one-carb hot dog buns, chocolate chip cookies, low-glycemic sugar-free chocolate bars, terrific beef chili in microwaveable trays (even Sam loves this chili) and a few bottles of sugar-free Thai sweet chili sauce.
Glorioski, my feet are feeling better! Sayonara everybody. I have to go to bed now.