In this post: Crap held hostage, a Putz of the Week.
There’s something amiss right now at Howdygram headquarters. UPS and FedEx have totally loused up their pre-holiday deliveries, and all the packages I was expecting yesterday and today have been rescheduled until tomorrow (hopefully) for no apparent reason whatsoever. The online tracking information simply says “EXCEPTION.” Really? An exception to what, exactly? You’re holding my damn crap* hostage! I WANT MY DAMN CRAP AND I WANT IT NOW!
Mustard Museum, the new office chair I’ve been waiting for since September, a box of insulin pen needles and a DVD of The Marriage-Go-Round (1961) starring James Mason, Susan Hayward and Julie Newmar.
As further evidence of Klayman’s weak grasp of basic citizenship and the United States Constitution, earlier this year during the government shutdown he announced that a coup was going to sweep President Barack Obama out of office on November 19 and, gesturing toward the White House, ordered Obama to “put the Quran down” and “come out with your hands up.” The actual coup, however, which Klayman hoped would draw millions of rabid right-wing patriots to Washington, turned out to be about 130 halfwits carrying signs.
One final thought before I shlep myself into the shower: I’M HAVING A BRAND NEW PAIN TODAY. This time it’s in my jaw, of all places, located at the spot where normal people with teeth would have a back left molar. As a denture-wearer I find it aggravating yet ironic to have a toothache but no teeth, although I have no plans to consult a dentist at any time in the near future. I simply plan to whine. I’m good at it.