WEDNESDAY MORNING, 5:45 A.M. Today Howdygram headquarters — actually, the entire Dallas metro area — will experience a last desperate blast of fake summer when our afternoon high hits 81°. This won’t last long, though. By mid-day tomorrow the temperature will be 32° with a 100% chance of significant sleet and freezing rain that’s forecast to continue through Friday night, at which time the temperature bottoms out at 22°. That’s even cold enough for hell to freeze over! Fortunately, we’re well-supplied with emergency provisions here because Sam stocked up on winter storm essentials yesterday at Wal-Mart: 1) two large lumps of braunschweiger; 2) margarine; 3) zero-carb heavy cream; 4) spicy little Jimmy Dean sausage patty whatnots; 5) blueberry Clif Bars; and 6) my prescription refill for Spironolactone.
Starvation is not a possibility as we also have a freezer full of crapola — mozzarella sticks and chicken thingies, mostly — from Schwan’s, 18 two-liter bottles of Coke Zero and lots of interesting baloney in cans. Plus a case of jalapeño cheese dip that I bought last month from DollarTree.com.
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