Apparently the nationwide UPS and FedEx holiday delivery fiasco isn’t quite over yet, as I have two mysteriously missing packages that were due to arrive today. One was shipped FedEx from Wal-Mart in Albany, New York, but can’t seem to get itself out of Ohio; the other is an Amazon package that’s been stuck at the UPS sort facility in Fort Worth since Tuesday. Let me be perfectly clear about this: both shipments contain URGENT EMERGENCY RATIONS and I WANT MY URGENT EMERGENCY RATIONS NOW! This includes cans of Dinty Moore Beef Stew, La Choy Chow Mein in various flavors, two jars of Wal-Mart’s knockoff Arthritis-Strength Tylenol and a large jug of McCormick Spaghetti Sauce Mix. All are pictured below for your possible interest.
- In July, a proposed sample budget for struggling employees recommended a second job to try and make a livable wage. Even worse, the sample budget neglected to include line items for rent and food.
- In November, ideas on how to save money by selling possessions on eBay and starving. For instance, “Breaking food into pieces often results in eating less and still feeling full.”
- For Christmas, the website reminded employees to tip their nannies, housekeepers, pool cleaners, masseuses and personal trainers.
- Last week — as the final, unforgivable gaffe — the fast food company advised its employees not to eat fast food because it’s unhealthy.