Is this some kind of warped right-wing Tea Party anti-shopping conspiracy?

In this post: Coordinated cows, consolation prizes.

Yup, I did it again. I updated the Howdygram’s banner this afternoon and decided to throw a nice color-coordinated cow up there for added visual appeal in case you’re partial to livestock. (You’re welcome.)

Crushing news, people. I just checked my UPS tracking information for today’s deliveries and ALL THREE HAVE BEEN RESCHEDULED. What the hell? How do they expect a housebound senior citizen to reprogram her otherwise-deprived life without butt wipes, Sam’s new underpants and stacking canisters from Anchor Hocking? Is this some kind of warped RIGHT-WING TEA PARTY ANTI-SHOPPING CONSPIRACY? I’m so upset I can hardly breathe! So I just bought myself a case of Libby Vienna Sausages — 24 teeny cans! extremely cheap! — and three bottles of SweetLeaf drops from Amazon. I’ll survive this. I always do.

Know what? I’M FREEZING TO DEATH HERE and my hands and feet are ICICLES. Sam already turned up the heat before he left for work today, which was awfully nice but didn’t help. I don’t know what else to do except consider a hot shower followed by soup, grilled cheese and half an hour with my new best friend Russell Stover. Feel free to come back for updates in case you don’t have anything else to do tonight, okay?

Thank you for reading this!