Rick Santorum, America’s self-appointed Birth Control Führer.

In this post: Another scary forecast, another Putz of the Week.

It’s a lovely, clear Monday night in north Texas, about 55° at 9:30 p.m., and the lying sacks of poo at Weather.com are again attempting to convince us that a TERRIFYING WINTER STORM WITH ICE is on the way. This time there’s a big orange Special Weather Statement warning about freezing rain Thursday night, freezing rain and sleet on Friday, and another potential round of wintry crap on Saturday and Sunday. However it’s worth noting that Weather.com hasn’t provided an accurate forecast for the Dallas metro area since 1983. I hate those people.

As promised, here’s our latest Putz of the Week award ... this time honoring Rick “Adolf” Santorum, former Republican presidential candidate and America’s self-appointed Birth Control Führer, who claims that denying women prescription contraceptive coverage is his “First Amendment right.”

It seems that the Supreme Court has agreed to decide if Hobby Lobby — a cheesy chain of retail stores with Christian owners — had its rights violated by a mandate in the Affordable Care Act requiring health care plans to offer birth control to women. Santorum, a right-wing fanatic who vehemently opposes birth control and abortion, thinks the Supreme Court will agree with his opinion that President Obama is forcing contraceptives on Christian women, saying in essence: “Once you step outside your church I get to impose my values on you, your religious values don’t matter any more, it’s my values that I can impose on you.”

What an idiot. Just because birth control is available doesn’t mean you or anybody in your stupid family is being forced to take it.

Sorry, Adolf, the First Amendment allows for the free exercise of religion but makes no provision whatsoever for companies who try to dictate health care options for others. Do we really want an employer to tell us which prescriptions we can take? Or deny medical procedures, lab tests or surgery because the owner doesn’t approve? What happens if an idiot company decides (incorrectly) that all cases of diabetes are the result of obesity and refuses to pay for insulin if you weigh more than 180 pounds? Frankly, I’m going to assume that the First Amendment allows me to whack Santorum in the balls for being such a damn douchebag.

I have to go now, okay? Sam just got home from work and we need a pile of snacks. Don’t worry, I’ll be back tomorrow.