This will be a stupid blow-by-blow description of a day without sleep. Welcome to my world.
MONDAY, 6:47 A.M. I’ve been awake all night. All damn night. I’m not sure I can pinpoint the reason, but it’s most likely a combination of electric shocks in my feet (diabetic peripheral neuropathy), heel pain (plantar fasciitis), mild indigestion, a general feeling of overall shittiness and the fact that I’m not even tired. I tried to go back to bed twice and even stretched out on the chaise in the family room ... but no luck. So I figure I’ll just stop whining and wait until I finally get sleepy. I guess you can’t win ’em all, right?
8:02 A.M. I’m acting inebriated and have to try bed one more time because Sam will probably be awake in a few minutes and I haven’t had a chance to annoy him yet.
10:35 A.M. Success. Two and a half hours of uninterrupted sleep not counting a weird dream featuring America’s grimiest siblings, Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen. (No, I can’t explain this.)
12:55 P.M. I can’t remember what I ate for lunch but it really doesn’t matter since my taste buds are comatose (another symptom of diabetic neuropathy) and everything I eat tastes like styrofoam unless it’s extra-spicy. Thank God for extra-spicy.
3:42 P.M. Enjoyed two more hours of sleep after Sam left for work at 1:15, this time on the chaise in the family room wrapped in Mister Furry. Other late afternoon activities of note: 1) the post office delivered my squishy new memory foam slippers from FootSmart (they fit!); and 2) I’m trying to narrow down the Howdygram’s latest Putz of the Week to two possible candidates. Stay tuned.
5:20 P.M. I just ordered dinner from China City with a lot of hot sauce. My best friend Russell Stover will be here for dessert.
8:02 A.M. I’m acting inebriated and have to try bed one more time because Sam will probably be awake in a few minutes and I haven’t had a chance to annoy him yet.
10:35 A.M. Success. Two and a half hours of uninterrupted sleep not counting a weird dream featuring America’s grimiest siblings, Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen. (No, I can’t explain this.)
3:42 P.M. Enjoyed two more hours of sleep after Sam left for work at 1:15, this time on the chaise in the family room wrapped in Mister Furry. Other late afternoon activities of note: 1) the post office delivered my squishy new memory foam slippers from FootSmart (they fit!); and 2) I’m trying to narrow down the Howdygram’s latest Putz of the Week to two possible candidates. Stay tuned.
5:20 P.M. I just ordered dinner from China City with a lot of hot sauce. My best friend Russell Stover will be here for dessert.
More later, okay? Thank you for reading this.
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