Listen up, Caribou Barbie. Go roast a moose for Christmas dinner and leave the rest of us alone.

In this post: Everybody’s favorite Putz.

Sarah Palin, vapid mouthpiece of the religious right, made a claim today on the Christian Broadcasting Network that “angry atheists” are trying to “abort Christ from Christmas” and “threaten the American way of life.” Because apparently Baby Jesus was one of the Founding Fathers.

In her new book about the left’s imaginary “war on Christmas,” the barely-literate former governor of Alaska blames litigious atheists — who are all “armed with attorneys” — and refers to them as “Joe McScrooges.” She says, “The road that we are on today is too many of those angry atheists armed with attorneys would try to take away the freedom to express faith. It’s going to end in ruin unless we do something about it.”

Why does this irrelevant dipshit believe that Christmas is the fabric of America and everybody’s trying to destroy it? Because supermarket cashiers are coached to say “happy holidays”? Well listen up, Caribou Barbie! You’re free to bedazzle your trailer, go to church, sing four choruses of “Silent Night,” hang tinsel on your offspring and roast a moose for Christmas dinner. Who’s stopping you? JUST LEAVE THE REST OF US THE HELL ALONE ALREADY.

Holy crap, I need chocolate. Thank you.