I woke up this morning at 5:30 a.m. for a time-honored senior citizen tradition — i.e., a middle-of-the-night pee — when I realized, sadly, that SAM WAS STILL DOWNTOWN AT THE OFFICE. No kidding, people ... he worked 44½ hours of overtime this weekend and didn’t come home until first shift showed up around 7 a.m. He went straight to bed the minute he walked in even though I suggested Brownie Brittle and Cool Whip for breakfast.
With only 10 days left till my birthday on November 1 it’s probably time to post the following information as a public service in case you’re stumped and don’t know what to buy.
TASTY MEAT IN CANS. My favorites are Libby’s corned beef, Kirkland (Costco) canned roast beef and/or chicken, and Radiant Farms Canned Unicorn. (Unicorn is very high in protein and an excellent source of sparkles.)
INSULIN PEN NEEDLES. 12mm size, 100 in a box.
KITCHEN CRAP. I could use an extra set of measuring cups, new kitchen shears, a pizza wheel, two rubber spatulas, a pickle fork and a couple of large nonstick cookie sheets. I love large nonstick cookie sheets.
BODY LOTION FOR PRUNY OLD LADIES. My choice is AmLactin lotion and Costco sells the gigantic pump bottles online at the best price. AmLactin is terrific if you have crocodile skin like yours truly.
BARGAINS FROM DOLLARTREE.COM. There’s no end to the thrill of buying cheap! My DollarTree favorites are sugar-free Hawaiian Punch singles, 32-oz. boxes of chicken broth and little cans of jalapeño cheddar dip.
KITCHEN CRAP. I could use an extra set of measuring cups, new kitchen shears, a pizza wheel, two rubber spatulas, a pickle fork and a couple of large nonstick cookie sheets. I love large nonstick cookie sheets.
BODY LOTION FOR PRUNY OLD LADIES. My choice is AmLactin lotion and Costco sells the gigantic pump bottles online at the best price. AmLactin is terrific if you have crocodile skin like yours truly.
BARGAINS FROM DOLLARTREE.COM. There’s no end to the thrill of buying cheap! My DollarTree favorites are sugar-free Hawaiian Punch singles, 32-oz. boxes of chicken broth and little cans of jalapeño cheddar dip.
TIDE PODS, JUMBO CONTAINER. This should be self-explanatory.
A DAY OF FUN AT THE CHOCTAW CASINO. The ideal package would include a half-day electric scooter rental, up to three hours at the penny slots and lunch at Butterfield’s Buffet with sugar-free pie, pea salad and above-average meatballs.
WALTER DRAKE’S SPARKLE DENT DENTURE CLEANER. Two bottles would be really nice. (Three would be even better.) Buy it here on Amazon.
A DAY OF FUN AT THE CHOCTAW CASINO. The ideal package would include a half-day electric scooter rental, up to three hours at the penny slots and lunch at Butterfield’s Buffet with sugar-free pie, pea salad and above-average meatballs.
WALTER DRAKE’S SPARKLE DENT DENTURE CLEANER. Two bottles would be really nice. (Three would be even better.) Buy it here on Amazon.
In addition to any or all of the above I would also be delighted to receive phone calls, birthday cards, checks, gift certificates, stocks, bonds, foreign deposit accounts, annuities and paid vacations. Thank you in advance for your generosity. Please send an email if you need my shipping address, okay?
It’s almost 8 p.m. and Sam has a migraine headache. Actually, he’s been asleep (in bed) almost nonstop since he got home from work this morning, not counting 45 minutes for a late lunch and time spent taking two showers. In the meantime I think I’ll tiptoe into the family room and watch a quiet movie. I’m sure he’ll wake up again, eventually.
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