Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Murder and mayhem in Terrell, Texas.

In this post: First aid, a preponderance of socks, murder and mayhem.

Here’s something I’ll bet you didn’t know about me: I LOVE TEENY BAND-AIDS. You know, the ones that are no bigger than a return address label. They’re always the last Band-Aids left in the box because nobody can ever figure out what the hell to use them for, but I think you should hang onto them forever in case you get a microscopic injury such as a hangnail or small-calibre gunshot wound. This has been a Howdygram public service announcement. (You can thank me later.)

In case you give a crap about Texas weather, the lying sacks of poo at Weather.com are forecasting a 100% chance of thunderstorms for a 24-hour period starting tomorrow at noon. They’re even predicting that some of these thunderstorms might be severe, but I’d be willing to bet we only get ordinary thunderstorms because Weather.com has a serious problem with making things up as they go along. Stay tuned for additional developments.

I just read breaking news about a MURDER SPREE in Terrell, Texas, a little town just east of Howdygram headquarters in Mesquite. To help you follow along, the map below indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; and B) Terrell, Texas. That’s a distance of about 20 miles via U.S. 80, which is a picturesque highway with lots of cattle that hang around near the service road. (Moo.)
According to the latest report from the Dallas Morning News, Charles Brownlow, age 36, stole a white Ford Focus, murdered his mother and three other people (#1 on the map below) in the same residential neighborhood and then killed a nice man at a convenience store (#2) on Moore Avenue. After an intense door-to-door manhunt Brownlow eventually was apprehended squatting in a creek near Gardner and Canton Streets (#3) by heavily-armed good guys. In case you’re wondering, #4 indicates the location of El Nogalito, our favorite Tex-Mex restaurant with excellent guacamole and above-average tacos.
I’m starving, and I think it might be a good idea to begin eating things as soon as possible. I will most likely choose low-carb chili on a couple of frozen Angus burgers from Costco with cheese on top maybe. Then I have to fold socks because sock-folding is the second most important focus of my life. (Injecting insulin is number one.) Thank you for reading this.

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