We’d love to water our lawn more often, except there isn’t any water.

In this post: Einstein Award, movie review, kvetch report.

Everybody’s a comedian. Enhanced Views Landscaping — the Einsteins who sprayed our yard for weeds yesterday morning when it was still dark outside — left their bill at the front door with succinct yet amusing lawn care instructions: “Water more often.”

More often? Seriously? ARE THEY DELUSIONAL? For the last three years we’ve been living in an exceptional drought with stage three water restrictions — just like everybody else in north Texas — which means we only get to water our lawn ONCE A WEEK, period. Where Howdygram headquarters is concerned, the city of Mesquite stipulates watering on Mondays before 10 a.m. ... and that’s all, folks. So “water more often” is like a sick joke. Trust me, we’d love to water more often, except there isn’t any water!

I watched a surprising little movie tonight. It was The Las Vegas Story (1952) starring Jane Russell, Victor Mature and Vincent Price. Know what? I liked it! Good suspenseful plot, everybody looked swell, I loved Jane Russell’s hair and it’s always a scream to check out authentic “vintage Vegas” before it turned into a Disneyland resort for drunk millennials.

Jane plays Linda Rollins, a former lounge singer married to a wealthy yet shady Boston businessman (Vincent Price). En route by train to Los Angeles they decide to stop in Las Vegas for a few days, and while Lloyd Rollins (Price) loses a fortune at craps Linda decides to look up old friends at the saloon where she used to sing. Enter her old flame Lieutenant Dave Andrews of the Las Vegas police department (Victor Mature), and you can pretty much guess what’s going to happen. First they hate each other, then they love each other, then they hate each other again, then they love each other again. You get my drift. But Linda and Dave have undeniable chemisty, all nicely accompanied by Hoagy Carmichael on the piano and an irritating insurance investigator named Hubler (Brad Dexter) who’s keeping an eye on Linda’s considerable diamonds.

Other highlights include a murder, a missing necklace, embezzlement, a helicopter chase in the Nevada desert, guns, infidelity, cleavage, people getting shot in the leg, McCarran Airport when it only had one runway, excellent clothes and lots of drinking. The Howdygram highly recommends The Las Vegas Story. Thank you.

I’ve got a pain update in case you’re interested. I’M FEELING BETTER! On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being excruciating, last night was an 11 and tonight is a 5½. This is definitely a huge improvement. Sure, my joints still hurt, but at least I don’t scream out loud every time I stand up and I can walk from the study to the kitchen without stopping twice to sit down. (I hope you don’t think I’m joking, because I’m not.) With any luck I’ll sleep better tonight, too. Let’s all keep our collective fingers crossed, okay?