Thursday, October 17, 2013

The World’s Best Vice President delivers muffins to the EPA.

In this post: Happy Halloween, Joe Biden delivers, Sam’s decadent desserts.

Here’s a hot one from the great neanderthal state of Florida, home of the legendary George Zimmerman.

Authorities in Palm Bay say Ron Nielson, 50, and his wife were assembling a burning cross as a Halloween prank when the gasoline vapors ignited due to insufficient ventilation and set Nielson on fire. A neighbor heard the explosion and found Einstein sprawled out in a ditch covered in burns. Police say he was also intoxicated.

You know times have changed if a well-intentioned white boy can’t even burn a cross without lousing it up! Too bad he forgot to wear his white hood for protection. (I’m just saying.)

And now a little something from our Decadent Last-Minute Desserts When You’re Out of Everything Else department. Sam would like to recommend the following combination next time your sweet tooth kicks you upside the head: Cool Whip and Brownie Brittle. (The latter can be purchased at your local Costco in gigantic bags. Amazon sells it, too.) The directions are simple: just DUNK AND EAT. You don’t even need a bowl or a spoon (or a napkin, either, if you’re not a slob).
Watching Sam eat this last night was almost as exciting as Thanksgiving 2012 when he sat down in front of the TV with a whole pumpkin pie and a can of Reddi Whip.

And finally, here’s a great photo of Vice President Joe Biden arriving at the EPA this morning, muffins in hand, to welcome staffers back to work after the shutdown.
I hope Joe considers making a hobby of this activity during his eventual retirement, showing up at random workplaces all over the United States with Costco mini-muffins to welcome folks to work. The world would be a better place.

And now, at last, it’s time to figure out dinner while I enjoy the grand finale of “Project Runway” on Lifetime.
I’ve actually got a number of satisfying options where tonight’s dinner is concerned, including: 1) leftover pot roast with a low-carb biscuit; 2) American cheese and green olives with the same low-carb biscuit; 3) a can of something; 4) two Slim Jims and a graham cracker; and 5) calling China City. I’m pretty sure I’ll go with option number one because I love pot roast. Thank you for reading this.

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