Have you ever wanted to make low-carb dumplings?

In this post: A Sunday kvetch report timeline, battling Boehner, low-carb dumplings.

6:05 A.M. Wake up shivering and decide to take a really hot shower with lots of soap.

6:19 A.M. Still shivering but I smell terrific. My body temperature is 94.9°. That’s an all-time low (no pun intended) for me where hypothermia’s concerned.

6:25 A.M. I check my blood sugar and it’s only 62. I’m still shivering and take a couple of extra-strength Tylenol. I eat breakfast (seriously, I can’t remember what) and watch the first hour of Sunset Blvd. (1950) starring William Holden and Gloria Swanson. (For your possible interest, the correct title of this movie is Sunset Blvd. — not Boulevard. Got it?)

7:44 A.M. I sit at my computer reading headlines on RawStory.com and realize I’m still receiving copies of panicky user emails from the Blogspot help forum, where everybody’s hysterical that the Text gadget feature hasn’t worked since September 30. (I’m not hysterical because I figured out a workaround on October 1. Sssh.) Still shivering.

8:49 A.M. I’m practically frozen solid now and decide to wrap up in my faux mink throw and stretch out on the chaise in the family room with Journey to the Center of the Earth (1959) starring James Mason, Pat Boone, Arlene Dahl and Gertrude the Duck. I want to stay awake in case Sam calls, but I just can’t.

1:07 P.M. What a nap! I sleep through the entire movie (more than two hours) and apparently turn off the TV at some point. I’m still shivering, and now I’ve also developed a wet rash, probably because my body is trying too hard to generate its own heat.

1:50 P.M. Sam calls on Face Time from the airport in Los Angeles. He has a muffin from Starbucks and an hour to kill before boarding his flight home. I’m getting hungry again.

3:06 P.M. I receive a frantic email from the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee urging everybody to sign a petition to “end John Boehner’s government shutdown.” Therefore, please click the button below as soon as possible and sign your name. (Thank you.)

Have you ever wanted to make low-carb dumplings? You have? This is your lucky day! I’ve got a modified version of Bisquick’s classic dumpling recipe, except mine uses CarbQuik baking mix and zero-carb cream instead of milk. So ... just make a soft dough from 2 cups of CarbQuik, ⅓ cup heavy cream and ⅓ cup water, and drop it by spoonfuls onto simmering stew or soup. Cook for 10 minutes uncovered and then 10 minutes covered. And don’t peek. That’s all there is to it. They’re not as good as matzo balls, but what the hell ... they’re low-carb and they’re easy.

Thank you for reading this.