I’m told the local cattle are drinking beer now.

In this post: A video disclaimer, assorted Friday activities.

I was annoyed today when I realized the YouTube video in my last post was deleted by its producers, because now y’all have been deprived of Jon Stewart’s monologue from “The Daily Show” on Thursday night. Please accept my apology, but this kind of heartbreaking horsepoop is beyond our control. Thank you.

So here’s what’s happening at Howdygram headquarters today!

HYPOGLYCEMIA. It was still dark outside when I woke up this morning at 6 with a low blood sugar episode so I migrated into the family room to gnaw on a couple of Slim Jims and watch Enter Laughing (1967) starring José Ferrer, Shelley Winters and Elaine May.

FRIGHTENING LAWN CARE. Concurrent with the movie and Slim Jims I notice a body walking back and forth across our front lawn IN THE DARK and shlep as fast as possible into the living room — waving my cane like a maniac — to find out what the hell’s going on. Eventually I see a truck pull up from Enhanced Views, the landscaping company that sprays our lawn every few months with fertilizer and weed killer. They scared the living crap out of me. Why would these idiots spray a lawn in the middle of the night?

HOOKED ON DRUGS. I called Wal-Mart around 10 a.m. for a prescription refill because I need more insulin. I have plenty of syringes, however. Sam buys them for me in great big cartons. (Cheap.)

WEATHER. Yes, friends, we’re finally expecting WEATHER here! There’s light rain forecast this evening for about 40 minutes between 9 and 10 p.m., a 30% chance of thunderstorms most of the day tomorrow, a 40% chance on Sunday and 50% on Monday, as evidenced by the five-day forecast chart pictured below. This is so exciting I almost can’t stand it because Texas is in its third year of “exceptional drought” and we’re running out of water. I’m told the cattle are drinking beer now.

Incidentally, that movie I watched this morning — Enter Laughing — is very Jewish, very entertaining and very terrific. It’s Carl Reiner’s semi-autobiographical comedy about how he got started in show business in the late 1930s and I’m saving it for Sam when he gets home from California next week. Other movies I’ve been saving for Sam include: Support Your Local Sheriff (1969) starring James Garner; The Wasp Woman (1959) starring Susan Cabot; and the cult film Johnny Guitar (1954) starring Joan Crawford and Sterling Hayden.

Sam is still in Los Angeles but he’ll be home day after tomorrow. Stay tuned for further details, okay?