Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Seriously, nobody else sells wasabi lip balm.

In this post: Sweets for Sam, great gifts from Archie McFee.

As a quick update to my last post, Sam finally got home this morning at 8:15 after 18 consecutive hours at the office. He was in surprisingly good spirits — the project apparently went well — but holy crap, nobody gets paid enough to work hours like that! Sam slept on and off until 2:30 this afternoon, ate some leftover pizza, showered and went back to work around 3:30. As a bonus the big Halloween surprise I ordered for him on Amazon showed up via FedEx about half an hour before he left ... TWO BAGS OF BRACH’S FALL FLAVORS CARAMEL CANDY CORN. Sugar solves everything.

I’m baffled by a story in the national news and I hope somebody can help me out here. That homicidal 11-year-old boy in Washington state who brought guns, knives and 400 rounds of ammo to school last week was arraigned today in court, where he screamed obscenities and fought with detention officers after a judge ordered him to remain in custody.

I don’t get this, people. I really don’t. When I was in 6th grade the most incorrigible kid in school used to fling paper clips. How does an 11-year-old get his hands on weapons like this? AND WHERE ARE ALL THESE JUVENILE SOCIOPATHS COMING FROM? Thank you.

And now for something slightly less intense ... the best gag gifts on earth from Archie McPhee, where you can find the perfect cheap present for damn near anybody. Here are some of my favorites with links so you can shop for the holidays.

Themed Bandages for all ages, Bacon Body Wash and essential Candy Cigarettes.

Other unique Archie McPhee gift products include electronic yodeling pickles, an emergency horse, Kim Jong Il “Dear Leader” breath mints, stick-on mustaches for all occasions, a bouncing dashboard Jesus, disguises, ceramic Titanic gravy boats and wasabi lip balm. Seriously, nobody else sells wasabi lip balm!

I’d better eat dinner. My blood sugar is dropping and I think I’m delirious. Shalom.

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